| Purple house |
[Jul. 24th, 2008|06:59 pm] |
Hello dear reader and welcome to another rand by yours truly. I don't even know where to start other than my roommates. They are stressing me and my mate out to the point of no return. they are not talking to us about important stuff like, oh i don't know, where we are moveing to in less than a month!?!?!?!? on top of all this, they get 2 six week old kittens w/less than 24 hours notice!!!! thanks for asking if i had an alergy to them or anything like that!! talk about livid!! both my mate and i are sick of the surface bull shit talking!! and on top of all this they are claming that i am "freaking out" when i'm not at all!! and behind our backs no less!! make me want to scream. they won't even keep there damn pets out of my mates and mine plants. who cares if our baby's die but we can't do anything to thoes fucking kittens, i mean goddess for bit one of them meows wrong!! because of this i can't have the things i need to feel better emotionaly. i can't have my fish nor the plants because it's ok if the kittens break and chew them up. ( i know, redundent) they are disrespectful in sudal ways, and so passive agressive it make me want to scream!! we need a new place bad, hopefuly w/out pets!! We can't live like this much longer. oh and the stupid baby talk and i'm sorry, if you have 2 legs and 10 times less fur you ARE NOT mommy and daddy.... tell next time dear reader.... |
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| Feel-good-shopping XD |
[Jul. 24th, 2008|08:46 pm] |
Well, I got fired because I requested student hours...bastids...so I did a little shopping to make myself feel better! But it was frugal shopping! The only thing of the items I'm about to list that was over $1.50 were the shoes! I'm thrifty too!
You'll notice I bought a lot of school supplies (including the bento bag and belt)...School is starting up again on the 18th of August! I'm so excited! College is like soooooooo much better than highschool, it's not even funny! XD I love buying school supplies, I don't know why but I just find them fun...
Ok! I recieved my makeup fixative spray today and I must say I'm impressed. On a scale of 1-5 (1 being the lowest and 5 being the higest), I'd give it a 5!!!! It keeps makeup in place, smells great, is light and doesn't feel like you're wearing anything extra, and withstands the environment well. Oh! And I meant to say, I tried this on my arm with some cream concealor that I knew would come off without the fixative and OMG it didn't come off till I scrubbed it with soap and a wash-cloth! I ran the spot under warm water and the makeup didn't budge, I rubbed with a paper towel and it still wouldn't come off! I was amazed I did a double-take right there in the bathroom! XDDD
Well, since I'm not working ATM I got to put my gyaru-gear back on and it feels great!! ^_^ I LOVE to feel pretty and doll myself up and while I did enjoy my job, the part I didn't like was the strict dress code, it was a total bummer...Hopefully my next job will at least allow french manicures! Or fake nails even!! XD |
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| what am i doing? |
[Jul. 24th, 2008|07:02 pm] |
okay, this may or may not end badly. but, i'm wanting to work on art tonight, and i'm having a hard time "warming up". so...
idea taken from ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) pac and plaguedoctormd.
ask me a question and i'll answer with a drawing as best i can. it can be anything from a question about me, a question about life, opinions, etc. no "can you draw a car?" type of stuff. no asking "what would my character look like in your style", either. XD |
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| I am blessed |
[Jul. 24th, 2008|02:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
I have the BEST friends ever 8D
I am so blessed 8D |
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| Hooray for stuff! |
[Jul. 24th, 2008|12:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
sidsilverhawke and her friend, Cajhne (I probably spelled that wrong) just left. They had originally planned to stay until yesterday, but Greg tempted them with more food, so they stayed another day. XD I had signed up for a Gruul's Lair run for Wednesday night, figuring they'd be gone by then, but since they stayed Sid got to see me spend an hour killing things on WoW. Least it was quick, and I'm still all bubbley from getting my shoulders.
We spent Monday afternoon up in Yankee Meadow, near Parowan (that's where Greg and I got married). It was absolutely gorgeous, all the meadows and aspens were bright green. I sat on a rock and stuck my toes in a freezing cold stream while Sid wandered around and Cajhne took pics of bark and bug trails.
Tuesday we spent the whole day in Zion National Park. It was very hot out, so we all took an hour or so to play in the river. I love how bare feet in mud feels. Didn't see many animals, but it was so hot I doubted we'd see any anyways.
Yesterday we took a little trip up to Cedar Breaks and wandered around. I got to poke at some bristlecone pines. All the meadows were full of blooming wildflowers.
We also rented some movies I hadn't seen before - "Happy Feet" and "Surfs Up." Guess it was a penguin theme. I didn't really like "Happy Feet" except that the baby penguins were disgustingly cute. "Surfs Up" amused me, probably because I liked the chicken.
As usual when Sid visits there was arting, but also writing - she's writing a WoW fanfic that features our characters. It makes me giggle dorkishly. Teeheeheee.
So now I'm going to beat my head against Painter for a few hours. I think it would be nice to be able to color sketches with it, but I'm really dumb about computer stuff. I'm sure I can find some tutorials online. Sidian gave me her old tablet to try out, which was very cool of her. I've never really used a tablet before, so this should be interesting.
Yaaay. |
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| moar movies |
[Jul. 24th, 2008|07:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
the people who forced me to go see the dark knight went and forced me to go see the new hellboy movie. second half was definitely better than the first half, movie was pretty entertaining overall. oh and the german dude was awesome. |
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| Stress |
[Jul. 24th, 2008|12:05 am] |
I am so upset...
My boyfriend called me up and cryptically told me what happened last night may or may not be true or that he was just upset with me...or testing me.
I don't do that...
If I do something wrong he needs to tell me and I will change it or talk to him about it. I don't play games in relationships. Usually he is very mature and apologizes...even if he doesn't need to. He didn't this time.
I know I must have done things wrong and I will admit fault and try to remedy it. I guess he needs me to be stronger and trust more in his love for me. If that is what he even means I have no clue. He won't let me talk to him to gain an understanding which infuriates me I don't even know what is going on.
On top of that I am very worried about selling my car. I found out I don't have a place to keep it like I thought I had. I am sick of dealing with all this crud with moving.
I don't know what to do about him right now... or about my car... or about my friendships. I guess I have some prayer cut out for me tonight.
As for the daily activities Will is sleeping over at the "flat" of Cayt and Ryan which makes me estatic! I also bought a 500 gig storage device for 99$ GOOD DEAL! 8D
We had a lot of fun playing video games but Cayt seemed to become cross. I think she is annoyed with me. Unfortunately that seems to be all I am good for when it comes to our friendships now... |
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[Jul. 23rd, 2008|08:46 pm] |
So I picked up some algorithms and I started condensing the text for All Quiet on the Western Front. I had to dip into some tabletop RPG terminology, but in the end I got it down to six characters.
They are: tpkX_X
Yeah. I know. I'm horrible. |
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| *total geek moment* |
[Jul. 23rd, 2008|08:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
My main got her t4 shoulders! *frumpy dance*
unf unf unf unf unf |
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| INZOMBIA! |
[Jul. 23rd, 2008|07:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
I am still awake. I am abusing italics. I need sleep.
On the upside, I might have a job helping a mom manage some household chores and kid juggling once or twice a week. I'm meeting her and getting started tomorrow. Wish me luck.
*OM NOMS SOME DELICIOUS BRAINS MARSHMALLOWS. YEAH, MARSHMALLOWS, THAT'S IT* |
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| oh my gosh! |
[Jul. 23rd, 2008|08:11 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | art, pets | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | PIXIES- "where is my mind?" | ] |
found part of my missing commissions! dappercat was looking for them all night, and gave up, flopping himself on the couch. he was trying to find a dog toy under the couch, and pulled out archteryx's nearly complete sketch commission and the sketch of ninnin's commission! so happy! i will work on them tonight.
i might be taking in one of these cockatiels. i'm going tomorrow to speak with the rescue and fill out an application. i have Cuke's old cage still, which would be perfect for a 'tiel. i've had a pair of 'tiels before, when i was younger, and i've always had a soft spot in my heart for the little guys. if things go well, i'm going to use our back room as a quarantine area since it's essentially a seperate part of the house, and keep hir there until a vet check tells us it's safe for hir to be in the main part of the house with Cuke. it's a big maybe until i can see the birds myself and i'll make my decision then.
i'm not feeling real hot, and i'm pretty sure it's from re-starting the Wellbutrin. ugh. hate it. i can't wait until my insurance kicks in and i can get my beloved Lexapro once more. oh Lexapro, how i've missed you.
off to work on commissions! |
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[Jul. 23rd, 2008|06:23 pm] |
Okay.. wow. Now I know what SLers always talking about.
Secondlife experience. Me and Fore were hanging out with this chick Helcoa and she was showin us stuff. Then she brought us to this Morgue place, which was pretty cool. All horror movie like and dismembered bodies and whatnot.
Then there was this other guy who joined us there (name left out). Wow. Just.. wow. I'm sure Fore can verify his god awful flirting technique. And the fact that he SAID he was trying to flirt with me.. just, wow.
I mean, I have nothing against guys who like to flirt, I really don't. But if you're going to do it try to at least sound like you have SOME experience at least talking to girls >_> It kind of turns me off just accepting people's friendship offers without gettin to know them a bit first.
It's just.. it's funny. I'm just like.. whoa. I want to as him "seriously? Are you seriously saying what you are saying?" |
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| New Arts! |
[Jul. 23rd, 2008|10:03 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | art | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
I forgot to post my summertime wolf....!
ArtSpots - http://kittrel.artspots.com/image/20754/summer-wolf
FurryArtPile - http://www.furryartpile.com/view/50405/
This was a gift for redwolfdreaming. I usually don't have time for giftart, but sometimes I do.... And he's a caring and thoughtful person and deserves lots of cute wolves and sunshine and flowers and butterflies. X3
A lot of other people do too.... if I had more hands and brains I'd draw things for all my friends. You are all awesome.
Now for more naps. |
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| In-zomb-ia |
[Jul. 23rd, 2008|05:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  insomniac | ] |
Good news: My visit with mom went well. She was happy to see me and didn't start any arguments (we hit a few testy subjects, but both agreed to drop them and just enjoy our time together). I was able to pack my Suitcase of Doom (a massive, man-sized case with rollers on the bottom), so I now have clothes and a few other important items. I still have a vans worth of crap to retrieve, but I'll be able to get that in the next few weeks. Mom and I talk on the phone daily now, and I think we're both starting to adjust to the new aspects of being mother and daughter as adults.
Bad news: Skipper, my mom's therapy dog, is dying. We think he has systemic cancer because he's acting extremely lethargic and unfocused, and he has no appetite and some suspicious bumps. He made a big effort to get up and see me when I visited, and I told him what a fantastic dog he is, scratched his ears and made my peace in case he passes before I next see him. My poor mom.
The insomnia weasels are currently nibbling away at me. I'm filling my time with meaningless fun (also known as 'the internet') and household chores. Having run out of clothes of my own, I am now asking my roommates for laundry to do.
I love our appliances (a further sign of sleep dep). I just washed six pairs of jeans, fifteen shirts, and a towel in one load. And everything came out clean. Here's hoping the dryer is up to the same.
Also, OMG NEED SLEEP SEND HELP. |
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| Dream |
[Jul. 23rd, 2008|04:28 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | dream | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Test Chamber 2222 | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  surprisingly awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | preparing to dispense product | ] |
So this morning I woke up to a fiery pain in my right eye, the traditional allergic "eyeburn" I get every now and then. Fortunately, I'd gone to bed two hours early last night, so I wasn't quite as wiped as I could've been.
But because I woke up so violently, I remembered the dream rather clearly.
It was at a convention, similar to Rainfurrest or Conifur in that it was a local convention, but it was neither.
I had a hotel room, though I didn't know the people signed up, and got a physically broken but still working card key, that kept snapping open into two hinged halves (there was supposed to be a latch, but it was broken) thickwise. (as in, two cards of the same width and height but half the thickness, hinged together on a short side.)
Soon after I inadvertantly woke everybody in the room up (despite it being bright and sunny outside), and went over to where 2 was announcing the opening of the con, I ate a delicious catered cracker and disaster struck.
Something like "The Andromeda Strain" locked the building down, and just like in the book and movie, I saw someone crawling up a ventilation shaft only to be attacked by security systems.
These security systems, as I was sneaking about the building, turned out to be the turrets from Portal. Having no portal gun, I was excruciatingly careful to avoid even being in line of sight from one unless I was directly behind it, and hit the F5 key on the keyboard on top of my head every chance I got. It was soon after my first victory (I grabbed one from behind and tossed it into a clock radio--both were colored black instead of white, like in the game, and the turret didn't fire as it shut down) that I woke up with my eye on fire. |
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[Jul. 23rd, 2008|06:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
pssssssssssssssssst!
Want to see me make a pencil disappear ?
BWAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaaaaaa
*SCHWUNK!*
tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
that is all |
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[Jul. 23rd, 2008|12:49 am] |
At the Solstice parade, there was a number of bellydancing women. It looked like an exhibition of a beginner, maybe an intermediate level class. It was really interesting to watch them because some of them were so clearly enjoying and into what they were doing (and a pleasure to watch), and a few of them were so self-conscious and nervous and trying to do everything right (and were very distracting and unnerving to watch).
I see myself in both types of women. I'd like to be the first type all the time, fully engaged with whatever I'm doing, not "trying to get it right", but just doing in to the best of my ability and with full enjoyment. And most of the time I feel that I am that. Occasionally that does not seem to work that way at all, and I'm constantly looking over my shoulder for approval or criticism. Typically, this is when I want something that I'm not getting. The anxiety of trying to get whatever it is start to permeate everything that I do (for all that I know how counterproductive that anxiety is).
So this segways into a whole thing on want. The problems with want break down into several steps:
1. Not recognizing that there is a want
2. Recognizing but suppressing the want
3. Recognizing and admitting the want, but not recognizing a solution
4. Recognizing the solution, but suppressing it (for moral reasons or otherwise or being too lazy to implement it).
5. Implementing the solution but failing to solve the problem. (Which causes a lot of frustration, especially when it happens over and over and over).
6. Implementing the solution correctly and addressing the want.
It seems like it would be easy to point and say "Hey look, want sure does cause a lot of problems. If we get rid of want, we will get rid of suffering".
Spinoza wrote that there are two ways of worshipping and understanding God. One is through following all of God's commandments, including practicing lovingkindness. This is the approach for the masses. It gets you X percent close to God, which is considered to be good enough. The second way is for the intellectual elite. The idea is to still practice lovingkindness, but to see God in all creation (to recognize the creator through the created, as opposed to just through the rules). This (much more difficult) way gets you far closer to knowing and understanding God.
(I like God examples, because God is a good example of some ultimate abstract thing to strive for, though not believing in God myself it occasionally feels a little weird saying God this and God that).
So, as a parallel, I can see how saying "renounce want" could be seen as an appropriate way to deal with suffering... as a rule of thumb for people who don't want to or cannot reason out another way. The real way is to pay attention to yourself and the world around you, be honest with yourself, and get it right. It's not easy (but it is simple, and the alternative is a cop-out).
I recently figured out that I've been stuck between 1 and 2 on my six step plan (which could easily be expanded to an 11 step plan by putting "take a stiff drink!" inbetween each). I've failed to remember that what I actually want and have been wanting for years now is to go out into the world every day, preferably with someone, but not necessarily, and then have someone to come home to at night, and have an energy flow continue. I realized that I stopped working on this, which is some of what's been making me depressed. I hate stagnation.
Generally though, life has been a bit of a whirlwind with Jon and Bill back in town, which is pretty awesome. Someday I'll get around to writing about more of it. |
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| Steal the Future. |
[Jul. 22nd, 2008|07:42 pm] |
My generation has been far sneakier than the one before it, which did all its fighting in the daylight, and so lost rather nastily to an enemy far better at fighting than they'd bargained for. I'm pretty sure my generation is going to be the one that wins though.
Jefferson Airplane wrote our anthems, but we sing them at a whisper.
The radicals you think you beat, gave us our axioms.
We watch your morality plays and platitudes, and instead of shouting, we smile and nod, fondling the pentacles in our pockets.
We fight in the dark, you doddering sons of world war, and we're coming for your throne. |
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livid
lazy
curious
stressed